He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize