What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
