We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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