My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
