Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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