i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
