when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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