you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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