So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
