Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
