i barfeds in our rink
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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