Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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