This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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