Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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