I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You smell like a Billy Joel song
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
