i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize