so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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