haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
