You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
