So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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