now i know why i became what i already was.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize