I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
