Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Bring me that man meat
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
