after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
