not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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