dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
