508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
