I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
