Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
