Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
