My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
