i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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