Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
