We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize