He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
