we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize