you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
