I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
