the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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