just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
