glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
