I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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