Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
