i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
