you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize