I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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