In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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