How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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