my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
