he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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