guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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