what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
