I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
