i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
