It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
