see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
