i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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