god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
