I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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