He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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