Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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