Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
