It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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