You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize