Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
