So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize