im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
