My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
