You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
