6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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